Twitterland

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It’s in that vein that we brainstormed some concepts for social media theme parks in Florida.

See, the Sunshine State handed a regulation this week that blocks social media platforms like Fb and Twitter from “knowingly” deplatforming politicians and even algorithmically rating content material, with high-quality starting from $25,000 to $250,000 per day (The regulation, which is a mish-mash of broad speech rules, has already been challenged in court docket by the tech corporations’ commerce organizations, which known as it “a frontal assault on the First Modification.”)

However there’s a better approach. The regulation has a hilariously corrupt exemption for any firm that owns or operates a theme park or massive leisure advanced within the state of Florida. Republican state Rep. Blaise Ingoglia stated that exemption was included in order that the Disney Plus streaming service “isn’t caught up on this.” The Disney World park in Orlando brings in important tax income for Florida, after all, a state which depends closely on tourism {dollars}.

So all Twitter, Fb, TikTok et al need to do to adjust to the regulation and keep away from the knotty First Modification problem of presidency speech rules is construct their very own Floridian theme parks.

Listed below are our recommendations for the parks together with some concepts for appropriately themed rides that the venues may provide:

Twitterland

• Has a secret nightclub known as Slides
• Sells drinks known as Canoes
• The Ratio is a dunk tank the place you get dropped into water in your unhealthy takes
• Whac-A-Mole is as an alternative Block-A-Troll
• A water-themed experience the place you’re crusing alongside and random guys attempt to pull you into the water: Reply Guys, the experience
• Rollercoaster goes sideways

The one downside with Twitterland is that it retains opening wonderful rides after which letting them fully crumble.

Fb World

• All of the rides all of a sudden pivot to video with out warning
• A haunted home attraction known as Fb Moderation
• Instagram and WhatsApp as soon as had separate parks, however they’ve been annexed into the principle Fb park and become purchasing malls
• The water park has a slide into radicalism
• In case you get detained by safety, they put you within the Racist Uncle Time Out Room
• An Instagram corridor of mirrors that options mirrors that provide you with an Insta-ready physique with lighting made for images after which leaves you feeling horrible whenever you come to the final mirror, which has heavy shadows for lighting and no physique modifying by any means

TikTokLand

• A corridor of mirrors that shunts you thru random rides with completely no info or warning, progressively tuning your expertise utilizing the delicate biometric monitor in your admission wristband
• Alternately, the entire park is simply the set from the Weeknd’s Tremendous Bowl halftime present the place a Backyardigans track performs on a loop

Pinterest Park

It’s only a bunch of themed photograph cubicles that produce these little photograph strips, however it’s important to wait in line and skim 200 phrases earlier than you possibly can experience the Recipe Rollercoaster.

The GooglePlusPlex

• A large haunted home which closed eight years in the past however highschool youngsters nonetheless break into at evening
• The whole park suffering from discontinued Google merchandise

Clubhouse Clubhouse

It’s only one large infinity room the place you enter and listen to males speaking at you and over one another about Bitcoin.

Reddit Faire

A Renaissance honest that ended up sharing its property lease with a jail, due to an ungainly misunderstanding within the C-suite. Many visitors are extremely devoted cosplayers in pleasant traditionally correct costumes. Many are petty criminals. A couple of are serial killers. Attempt to guess which of them!

YouTubeLand

• Has a experience the place you seem to climb greater and better endlessly, however then perilously fall to Earth after a botched apology
• To enter the park it’s important to smash the like button
• The Thumbnail Experience guarantees nonstop battle however is basically only a fairly chill afternoon
• Each experience is a minimum of 10 minutes lengthy so it could possibly embody a midroll break
• In case you make a mistaken flip on the bogs, you’ll sometimes run into an off-brand superhero experience that ends in a spike pit. Nobody is aware of who paid for or designed these rides, however kids discover them inexplicably compelling
• You’ll be able to’t go away until you ring a bell, after which you can be despatched notifications reminding you to return to YouTubeLand for the remainder of your life
• Actually large and costly and in some ways the gold customary for all the opposite parks, however nobody seems to be in cost in any respect?

Snapchat Studios

• Rides disappear after you go on them as soon as
• All of the merchandising machines promote Spectacles, however nobody buys them
• Sadly the park’s been sort of struggling as a result of all its finest rides get cloned by Fb World inside six months
• Briefly closed as a result of it unintentionally opened one other racist experience